Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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