at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
