i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
