the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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