You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
