no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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