well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
