I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
