it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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