I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
