I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize