I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
