Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
