you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
