Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
