you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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