Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
