I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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