No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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