i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
