Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
