Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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