If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
