well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
