did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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