I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
