I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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