wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
