You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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