I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
