Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
