community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
