I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
