It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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