It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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