There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to get me chipped asap
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
