half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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