they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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