I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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