Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
