dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
