Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
