Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
