now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
