mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
