Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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