Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
