Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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