no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
