whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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