Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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