he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
