MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
