There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want to make out with him forever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
