He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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