Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
