Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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