Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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