Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
