3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
