I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
