its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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