And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
