We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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