you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
