This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
