The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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