ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
