I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
