Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
