Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
