I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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