I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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