i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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