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I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
