I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize