sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
