How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
