well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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