I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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