Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
