dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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