brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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