I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
